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New Rules for Baseball

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Every time you turn around, there are new rules being put into place in major sports. Sometimes it’s out of concern for players’ safety. Often, it’s intended to make a sport more exciting. Now that baseball has returned, let’s hope our national penchant for rules doesn’t overly alter our national pastime. It could get ugly.

INFIELD TWEET RULE: YOU LOSE A BASE RUNNER EVERY TIME A PLAYER MAKES AN OFFENSIVE COMMENT ON TWITTER

VENDORS FORCED TO SELL KALE CHIPS INSTEAD OF PEANUTS

NATE SILVER CALLS ALL BALLS AND STRIKES

BATTING TITLE WINNERS MUST APPEAR ON “DANCING WITH THE STARS”

FANS GET TO MAKE ONE PITCHING CHANGE PER GAME USING A SPECIAL SMARTPHONE APP, “PITCHIFY”

SEVENTH INNING ZUMBA

ON-DECK CIRCLE NOW A TRIANGLE

BASE STEALERS HAVE TO ACTUALLY CARRY THOSE BASES AROUND THE INFIELD

FIRST PLAYER TO COMMIT AN ERROR HAS TO WEAR A “CAT IN THE HAT” HAT FOR THE REST OF THE GAME

FANS MUST WEAR PERIOD CLOTHING TO GAMES INVOLVING THROWBACK UNIFORMS

Play ball!

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