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50 New Ways to Leave Your Lover

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Thanks to an abundance of ingenuity in our modern world, there’s been a real explosion in the number of ways you can leave your lover. Here are some of them, with apologies to the great Paul Simon. (Note: If all else fails, you still can slip out the back, Jack.)

CHARGE UP THE VOLT, HOLT

TEXT HER YOU’RE THROUGH, DREW

CHANGE STATUS TO “DONE,” SON

BUY A NEW PHONE, SLOANE

SHOOT HER A TWEET, PETE

CALL IT A #FAIL, DALE

FIND A GOOD APP, CHAP

ASK SIRI FOR ADVICE, BRYCE

GRAB THE XBOX AND GO, BRO

WEAR YOUR BIG-BOY PANTS, LANCE

SET THE GPS, WES

OCCUPY A NEW SCENE, GENE

GIVE HER SOME SPACE, CHASE

Add to the List! Oh, and one more thing…

3 Responses »

  1. These are great. 😀

    “Shoot Her a Tweet, Pete” is pretty darned funny!

    Reply
  2. Buy a ticket to ride, Clyde.

    Chew tobacco in bed, Fred.

    Reply

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