Now that summer blockbuster season is here, it’s time to concern ourselves with that most dreadful aspect of cinema – the Obnoxious Moviegoer. He or she comes in many forms, and all of them are revolting. Consider these varieties:
Drop-Ins - These dolts arrive 45 minutes into the movie, their candy wrappers a-crinkling, and seem to consider the film a mildly diverting backdrop to their evening snack.
The Light Brigade - People who open their cell phone every 10 minutes to check the time and retrieve messages.
Whack-A-Moles - Tall people who sink way down in their seat, then sit up, then sink down, then sit up, throughout the film.
Narrators - They verbalize each obvious action taking place on the screen. Example: “Did you see? Did you see that? Hulk grabbed that guy and smashed him into the ground! Did you see?”
Honey, I Scared the Kids - Parents who bring young children to movies WAY too scary or violent for their age.
Mood Busters – People (often kids) who find a serious part of the movie hilarious and start laughing.
Space Invaders - In an uncrowded theater, they decide to sit directly in front of, or behind you.
Knee & Foot Patrol - People sitting behind you who periodically throw a kick into your back.
Three Strikes You’re Out - No getting up more than twice during the show if you’re sitting more than five seats from the aisle.
Toxic Tootsies - These horrid creatures have the temerity to take off their shoes and cross their stinky feet in your general direction.
Oh, the things we put up with for a big-screen experience. Now it’s your turn. Which obnoxious moviegoers bother you the most? Add to The List!
Wow this list doesn’t make me want to re-visit a movie theater any time soon! Now I know why we don’t go to movies any more.
The worst thing is that usually the Obnoxious Moviegoer is a combination of more than one of these like the Latecomer with the kids who sits right next to me and spends most of the movie talking on the phone while their kids play around in the seats.
Sad, but true, Nate. And that group always tends to come in after the movie has started, when you think you’re in the clear.