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Tag Archives: daily life

9 Things College Kids Should Explain to Their Parents

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collegestudents

Ah, graduation season. It’s a time for young men and women to tie a ribbon on all their years of education and launch themselves into the waiting world. Before they do so, they really need to sit their parents down and explain a few things.

PHOTOBOMBING WILL NOT GET YOU ON A TERRORIST WATCH LIST

MEMES ARE FUNNY; MIMES ARE NOT

STEAMPUNK DOES NOT REFER TO THE KID WHO WORKS AT THE DRY CLEANERS

CDs ARE NEVER COMING BACK

3D PRINTING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE EYEGLASSES YOU PAY EXTRA FOR AT THE MOVIES

THE PROPER PRONUNCIATION OF SNAPCHAT

HOW TO TELL MICHAEL CERA AND JESSE EISENBERG APART

GARLIC POTATOES AND GNARLS BARKLEY ARE BOTH MASHABLE

DESPITE WHAT AUNT MILLIE SAYS, FLANNEL SHIRTS AND BUSHY BEARDS ARE A GOOD LOOK

Be gentle, kids.

Anniversaries We Don’t Celebrate (But Should)

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anniversary

For each of us, the calendar is filled with dates of special significance, from birthdays and anniversaries to holidays and days that live in infamy. So many, in fact, that they crowd out other anniversaries that we would do well to honor. Such as:

Your first successful “knock-knock” joke

The day you learned to whistle

First taste of watermelon

First time you successfully parallel parked with a friend in the car

The day you got your first paycheck

Hearing George Carlin for the first time

The time that idiot who tailgated you for 5 miles got pulled over by the cops

First time the person you voted for loses in a landslide

The day you learned that the spikes on ice climbing boots are called “crampons”

The first time your child says your name

Final trip to buy diapers

First time someone takes your advice because you look old enough to know stuff

That day you went into the Harley bar in your bike shorts because the sign said “BIKERS WELCOME”

First time your child buys you dinner

First time you watched a movie on your computer

The day you picked your grandparenting name

We’re all going to need much bigger calendars.

Life – The Amusement Park

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amusementpark

As much as we all like to think we’re in charge of our own lives, the truth of the matter is we’re just permanent patrons of a nutty little amusement park. Some of the rides are better than others.

SPLASH OF VODKA MOUNTAIN

PIRATES OF THE CHOLESTEROL

STROLLER COASTER

IT’S A SMALL PENSION AFTER ALL

GUILT-A-WHIRL

MORTGAGE FLUME

HALL OF BIFOCALS

MISTER TOWED HONDA’S WILD RIDE

THE HAUNTED SNOW BLOWER

TUNNEL OF TUITION

CUSTOMER-SERVICE-GO-ROUND

Make sure you get the large popcorn!