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Questions Facebook SHOULD Be Asking

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A lot of people seem peeved about the new questions Facebook is asking in the “Update Status” box. My theory is, we might not be so upset if Facebook were asking better questions. Questions that actually relate to what’s going through our minds. Try these on for size.

What are you playing at?

Can you trust a person who says “toasted cheese sandwich” rather than “grilled cheese”?

Does Bruno Mars really think he’ll ever have to fall on a grenade for love?

Why didn’t Batman just smash Bane’s mask right away?

Have you no shame?

Weren’t you supposed to schedule your colonoscopy?

One scoop, or two?

How were the people in “Beasts of the Southern Wild” able to keep their beer cold?

Why would any sane person bring glitter into their home?

And the Emmy goes to … Honey Boo Boo?

What would Congress do?

Feel free to add a few of your own!

9 Facebook Changes We Never Want to See

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People are still fuming about the recent changes to Facebook, but it could have been a lot worse. Here are some new features and changes we really would have hated.

SQUIRMVILLE – Friends, relatives and co-workers pay a fee to rummage through your old posts about them.

POKES PLUS – When someone pokes you, you actually feel a sharp pain in your side.

SCROLL OF SHAME – Continuous scroll of every embarrassing nickname or taunt you’ve ever received.

ACEBOOK-FAY – At random intervals, everything on your Facebook wall is changed to Pig Latin.

NEW GROUPS GALORE – Includes “People You’ve Been in Car Accidents With,” “Dudes Who Share Your Middle Name,” and “Other People Who Like Dinty Moore Beef Stew.”

LOOK WHAT YOU’RE MISSING – Fun activities of people who unfriended you now appear at the top of your news feed.

LIKES?YIKES! – Suddenly all the music, movies and activities listed on your info page revert to what they would have been when you were 14. Starland Vocal Band anyone? Anyone?

SUPERCHAT – Every five minutes, a friend is invited to chat about a) the weather b) their vacation or c) the weather during their vacation.

CLICK THIS – The pointing index finger symbol is replaced by a pointing middle finger.

Feel better now?