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Classic Bands Rebooted – Part Two

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recordalbums

It seems there is no end to the list of bands and singers in immediate need of renaming. Luckily, a few of those performers are about to get a free upgrade.

LIMP FITBIT

MY CHEMICAL BROMANCE

OK GOPRO

ZZ PODCAST

DEATH UBER FOR CUTIE

ARCADE DROUGHT

THE SMASHING CRONUTS

JAZZY JEFF AND THE ORGANIC PRINCE

TINDERLAND

REO SPEED TESLA

RAGE AGAINST THE SELFIE STICK

JOAN DRONE

NEW KALE ON THE BLOCK

AIR BNB SUPPLY

3D PRINTED DOG NIGHT

ROBOCALL OUT BOY

BINGE WATCH TV ON THE RADIO

Let the world tours begin!

Singer Names That Are Just Sick

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Being a sick singer can mean one of two things. Either the cool kids think you’re so talented that you’re sick, or you’re a vocalist in need of medical treatment. Here are some instances of the latter.

SKEEVY WONDER

EWWIE LEWIS & THE NEWS

BLISTA RHYMES

WOO-Z

YUCKO ONO

RASHFORD AND SIMPSON

OW WOW

LICE GIRLS

NAUSEOUS BY NATURE

BLEECHH SABBATH

BLEARY MANILOW

MC REEK

PEACHES AND ERP

CHAKA CONGESTED

Come to think of it, I’m feeling a little verklempt myself.

Let’s Rename Stuff For Boston

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bostonmap

Like everyone else, The Jimbo List has been struck with a deep sense of warmth for all things Boston. But what to do? What would be appropriate? … Hmm … Got it! We’ll just rename some stuff in Boston’s honor.

EIFFEL TOWAH

WICKED GOODYEAR BLIMP

TAWMMY HILFIGAH

THE HUB TELESCOPE

IKEAR

CENTRAL PAHK

BOSTON STRONG BAKED BEANS

RED LOBSTAH

GREAT WALL OF CHINER

TALCUM POWDAH

GUMMI BEAHS

Add to The List!

Funny Occupational Names

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Far too many people associate their personal value as humans with the work they happen to do. But imagine how much more difficult that would be if their name reflected their occupation. It might also be sort of funny. For instance …

TIM BURR – LUMBERJACK

DOE REISER – BAKER

HY STANDISH – HIGH WIRE ARTIST

CARY LEMON – USED CAR DEALER

FLIP BERGER – SHORT ORDER COOK

REGULA CAFFEY – BARISTA FROM BOSTON

MAE GAMBLE – PROFESSIONAL POKER PLAYER

JACK HAMMER – CONSTRUCTION WORKER

LISA CARR – HERTZ RENTAL AGENT

ANDY MANN – BRITISH HANDYMAN

PEG LEGGETT – PIRATE

OWEN HOUSEHOLDER – MORTGAGE BROKER

SKIP CHURCH – ATHEIST

MARK GRAVES – TOMBSTONE DETAILER

BERYL TAPPER – BARTENDER


It’s fun, isn’t it? Add to The List!

IKEA Product Names I’d Like to See

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Any IKEA fan will tell you that one of the odd pleasures of shopping there is reading the names of the many, many items on display. The vast majority of them are Swedish names of people and places. Naturally, it’s the sort of thing the staff of The Jimbo List loves to ponder. Here are some new IKEA products you won’t be seeing any time soon.

PLOPSKA – Bean bag chair

HELMUTT – Bike helmet for dogs

RESTN HEDN – Pillow

BILLY IDOL – Shelves for hair gel products

BLERN – Blender

FLEKSHUN – Mirror

BILLY CRYSTAL – Shelves for comedy awards

TIPSY-GO-ROUND – Corkscrew

PHTT – Bottle opener

BILLY GRAHAM – Shelves for religious statuary

SHEESH – Multi-purpose tool for putting together IKEA items

See you at the lingonberry counter!

Sports Stadium Names Too Ridiculous to Work

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So many stadiums, so little time. With baseball, basketball and hockey ongoing – and football never far from a fan’s thoughts – the staff here at The Jimbo List would like to ponder a few arena names that (hopefully) will never happen.

MILLER GENUINE DRAFT DODGERS STADIUM

PROZAC PARK

SAN FRANCISCO SHAKE SHACK

CHICAGO BUILD-A-BEARS FIELD

GOOGLE CHROME DOME

PENTHOUSE FORUM

POLITICO ARENA

STARBUCKS COFFEE GROUNDS

OUTBACK YARDS

COLISEUM FOR DUMMIES

DEPENDS FIELD

ENERGY DRINK RINK

STAY PUFT STADIUM

WRIGLEY PIGGLY WIGGLY FIELD

You’ll notice I steered clear of Enron Field. Add to The List!

Bad Product Names

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Cleverness is usually a good thing when it comes to naming a product – but not always. Here are some (fictitious) products that aren’t likely to be on anybody’s shopping list.

LEGO WAFFLES

DEPOSITION IN A DRUM

THE POCKET PROCTOLOGIST

iFORK

WART WHACKER

I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S NOT REFLUX

CHOCK FULL O’ NITRATES

MISTER BRIS

LA-Z-BOY HOME FITNESS CENTER

BEERIOS

KENTUCKY FRIED PIGEON

Have any thoughts on some other bad products? Add to The List!

7 Foods With Better Names Than They Deserve

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The Jimbo List has noticed that certain foods seem to have better publicity machinery behind them than others. For one thing, they’ve hit the name jackpot – getting tagged with much more appetizing names than they merit. It happens up and down the tastiness scale, from yummy to yecch. For example:

FLORENTINE

By any measure, Florentine is a beautiful, beautiful word. It has style and elegance. It flows off the tongue. It … is spinach. Come on, now! I enjoy spinach as much as the next guy, but calling it Florentine when you add it to chicken should be an actionable offense.

SWEETBREADS

Sorry to get all Seinfeldian here, but sweetbreads aren’t sweet and they sure as hell aren’t bread. Unless, of course, you like to spread peanut butter and jelly between two slices of a lamb’s pancreas. Sweetbreads, those yucky innards of calves or lambs, stand as possibly the most misleading culinary name of all time.

RED DELICIOUS APPLES

I would contend that this entry in the pantheon of apples has not had to earn its own way. While all of your Galas, Empires and McIntoshes have had to scrape and scratch for every admirer, the Red Delicious sits back and lets its name do all the heavy lifting. This, from an apple that turns to mush if left unattended long enough to answer a text.

RED BLISS POTATOES

Might as well deal with this other “Red.” I happen to be a fan of the Red Bliss Potato, but is it honestly any more worthy of “bliss” than a Yukon Gold or a trustworthy Russet? I think not.

WELSH RAREBIT

Also called Welsh Rabbit, I have a sneaking suspicion that people are so pleased it’s not made with actual rabbit that they’re willing to put up with the insanely fanciful name. I mean, we’re really only talking here about a grilled cheese sandwich that went rogue.

HUSH PUPPIES

Sorry, the name is simply too cute. By rights, a “Hush Puppy” should be something that is covered in powdered sugar, with a prize inside. Instead, it’s a cornbread ball… a delectable, warm, cornbread ball.

TRUFFLES

Once the U.S. Supreme Court sorts out national healthcare, I really think it needs to do something about Truffles. Here we have a mouth watering word that means one of two things: a decadent chocolate treat or a misshapen bit of fungus growing in damp darkness. I know which one I want to see the waiter bring to my table, and it’s not the fungus.

Obviously, your tastes may be different. What are some food names you find vexing?

Craziest Irish Names Ever

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With St. Patrick’s Day around the corner, here are some festive Irish names you won’t see in real life. Probably.

EMERIL DIAL

ERIN GOBRYE

LePREE KAHN

TAMMY O. SHANTER

BARNEY STONE

FAITH N. BEGORRA

GAIL ICKSTORM

WARREN O. DeGREENE

BLESS U. HART

SHELLY LEE

IVANA SHUMROCK

May the road rise up to meet you!