Here we are in this season of caring and kindness, yet if I’m being honest, some things are creeping me out. Not big things, thankfully. But they keep popping up, like irritating people at a wedding reception. Here are the ones currently causing me to gnash my teeth.
THE ABILIFY BATHROBE
Sweet mother of all that’s holy, please, someone, toss this ratty bathrobe onto the advertising scrapheap. I understand the symbolism. I get it – depression can be this smothering outer layer we take off with the help of medication. I also get the notion that depression may never completely go away, which is why the bathrobe hangs around, floating, in the background. But does it need to have eyes? Does it need to sit in the next chair at the doctor’s office and take notes?! In terms of basic creepitude, the Abilify Bathrobe is off-the-charts yucky.
BOBBY VALENTINE’S VOICE
I’ve become convinced that Valentine’s larynx is tucked somehow inside his nasal cavity. That’s the only explanation for a warble that sounds like Kermit the Frog on sodium pentathol, after a session in a sensory deprivation tank. Now that he’s the manager of the Boston Red Sox, we’ll all be hearing a lot more of him.
CHRIS COOPER’S RAP SONG IN ‘THE MUPPETS’
I happen to have a ton of respect for Chris Cooper, going all the way back to TV’s “Lonesome Dove,” but this just doesn’t work. The only reason the Muppet characters in this scene don’t have their eyebrows raised to the top of their foreheads is because a handler is physically preventing it.
PEOPLE WHO WEAR PAJAMAS IN PUBLIC
Have we NO shame, whatsoever? When did it become OK to swing by the Post Office, do the grocery shopping and grab a cup of coffee in our pajamas? As a society, I think we need to seriously consider the implications of saying to the world at large, “My desire for a Mountain Dew right now outweighs the common decency to pull on a pair of actual pants.”
BREAD PUDDING FRENCH TOAST AT DENNY’S
As a fan of both bread pudding and french toast, I feel I’m qualified to say (while letting out a sigh) this is just too much. It’s too much. For pity’s sake, look at that plate of food! Unless you’re an Appalachian Trail hiker, those slices of french toast are going to adhere to your midsection like a shopping mall sandwich board.
TARGET COMMERCIALS LADY
That maniacal grin, those twitchy eyes – why, it must be the holiday season! It’s a matter of personal taste, certainly, but I find these ads grating. This is a style of comic acting that works much better on “The Office” or “SNL” than it does in a commercial being shown again and again.
And now it’s your turn. What stuff is creeping you out?