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Six Wacky Santas

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Santa Claus is a much more complicated guy than most people realize. It stands to reason, too. He defies most of the accepted standards of time, space and physics in his annual journey. Here are a few instances when he wasn’t quite on his game.

NIGHT OF THE MEEK (THE TWILIGHT ZONE)


The great Art Carney is a boozy, department store Santa who takes a wrong turn into … “The Twilight Zone.” If you haven’t seen this classic on one of the TZ marathons, it’s worth a look. Also, if this doesn’t have the usual look of a TZ episode, it’s because it was recorded on videotape, rather than film.

FRED CLAUS


Bet you didn’t know Santa had sibling issues. Well, he does. Turns out his brother Fred (played by Vince Vaughn) isn’t his biggest fan. The cool thing about this movie is that because Santa is played by Paul Giamatti, he can have all of Santa’s lovable qualities, yet still have an edge.

A CHRISTMAS STORY

Classic scene in what has become a classic holiday movie. Little Ralphie goes to sit on Santa’s lap but freezes up when it’s time to ask Santa for an air rifle for Christmas. Santa’s response is hilarious. Santa here is played by Jeff Gillen.

SANTA’S SLAY

Yikes. Apparently I missed the news that Santa is actually THE SON OF SATAN! Yeah, I was shocked, too. He’s been handing out all those toys as some kind of cosmic work release program – until now, when he’s free to do some rather harsh stuff. You may notice that Santa bears a striking resemblance to the professional wrestler, Goldberg.

SANTA SELLS CHEVYS

I love this series of commercials, featuring a jolly, white-bearded car salesman named Nick.

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS

Dig this one, kids: A bunch of space aliens dressed like martini olives decide to kidnap Santa. Will this be the end of Christmas? Will it be the end of quality cinema as we know it? Big shout-out here to John Call in his signature role as Santa.

So, which nutty St. Nicks did I leave out?