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Sharknado Nation

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sharknado

Now that we’ve experienced the phenomenon that is “Sharknado,” there’s no stopping the toothy creatures from taking over Hollywood. Here’s what a full-scale shark attack at the local cinema would look like.

SHARKS ON A PLANE

RAGING SHARK

RAIDERS OF THE LOST SHARK

SHARK OF STEEL

THE GREAT SHARKSBY

THE SHARKSHANK REDEMPTION

HONEY, I SHRANK THE SHARK

STAR TREK INTO SHARKNESS

IT’S A WONDERFUL SHARK

TRAINSHARKING

ZERO SHARK THIRTY

SOME LIKE IT SHARK

SHARKDOG MILLIONAIRE

MR. SHARK GOES TO WASHINGTON

GOSFORD SHARK

12 ANGRY SHARKS

THE SHARK WHO SHOT LIBERTY VALANCE

BRAVESHARK

ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN SHARK

JURASSIC SHARK

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Independence Day Top 40

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independencedaytop40

Happy Independence Day, everyone. Here’s a List of Top 40 songs as envisioned by the folks who brought us the Declaration of Independence.

GEN. WASHINGTON’S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND

LIGHT MY FIREWORKS

IT’S MY TEA PARTY

STRAIGHT OUTTA CONCORD

VALLEY FORGE GURLS

STAND BY YOUR MINUTEMAN

CALL ME A DESPOT MAYBE

RED, WHITE AND BLUE SUEDE SHOES

WILL THE REAL BEN FRANKLIN PLEASE STAND UP?

MAMMAS DON’T LET YOUR BABIES GROW UP TO BE REDCOATS

SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT OF 76

Rock on, America.

Worst Gemstones of All Time

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gemstones

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and no doubt a few of you are planning to include a lovely bauble or trinket with the flowers you present to your sweetie. Or not. Either way, here’s a special List of gems you want to avoid at all costs.

SUBLIMESTONE

CUBIC CARDBOARDIUM

CEMENT STERLING

DIAMOND GROUT

TARQUOISE

BLUE CHEESIUM

KANGARUBY

TOPEZ

SULPHIRE

SHINOLEUM

SPORTS AGATE

See you at the jewelry counter!

After-The-Hurricane Games

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Well, here we are, a few days after Hurricane Irene, waiting for the power to return. While it might be easy to start going stir crazy right about now, there are a few things you can do to maintain sanity. Games, for example. If you get bored out there in no-power land, try a few of these:

MAKE A CHESS SET OUT OF USED BATTERIES

PLAY ‘NAME THAT SMELL’ FROM THE REFRIGERATOR

WRITE NASTY LIMERICKS ABOUT ENOS, YOUR NEIGHBOR WHO OWNS A GENERATOR

DAILY LOTTERY TO SEE WHO GETS TO FLUSH THE TOILET

PRANK DAD WITH BOGUS UTILITY CREW SIGHTINGS

FLASH MOB AT THE LINE FOR ICE

DRIVE TO CANADA & BACK EACH NIGHT TO CHARGE YOUR CELL PHONE (THE IRENE 500)

DO A SHOT EVERY TIME THE GOVERNOR SAYS “SURGE” DURING A STORM UPDATE

STRIP PICTIONARY

TELL YOUR KIDS AGAIN ABOUT THE TIME YOU LOST POWER DURING HURRICANE GLORIA. THE KID WHO STAYS AWAKE LONGEST GETS AN EXTRA ROOM CANDLE

TWEET THE SOUND YOUR CHAINSAW MAKES

TELL SCARY STORIES ABOUT WHAT IT WAS LIKE BEFORE SALAD CAME IN BAGS

CREATE REPLICA OF STONEHENGE WITH TREE LIMBS

COUNT HOW MANY TIMES YOU FLIP A LIGHT SWITCH YOU ALREADY KNOW DOESN’T WORK

Stay safe, everyone!