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Category Archives: careers

10 Jobs With Major Growth Potential

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We all know that jobs are hard to come by these days, but there are still a few pockets of employment growth. You just need to know where to look. Try these on for size.

TATTOO PROOFREADER

TWINKIE FINDER

FACEBOOK “POST IT” OR “DEAR GOD DON’T POST IT” ADVISER

STORM NAMER

PHARMACEUTICAL SIDE-EFFECT NARRATOR

ZOMBIE WRANGLER

NATE SILVER IMPERSONATOR

INTERNET MEME COORDINATOR

CIA DIVORCE LAWYER

PRESS CONFERENCE SIGN LANGUAGE LADY

Happy job hunting!

Funny Occupational Names

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Far too many people associate their personal value as humans with the work they happen to do. But imagine how much more difficult that would be if their name reflected their occupation. It might also be sort of funny. For instance …

TIM BURR – LUMBERJACK

DOE REISER – BAKER

HY STANDISH – HIGH WIRE ARTIST

CARY LEMON – USED CAR DEALER

FLIP BERGER – SHORT ORDER COOK

REGULA CAFFEY – BARISTA FROM BOSTON

MAE GAMBLE – PROFESSIONAL POKER PLAYER

JACK HAMMER – CONSTRUCTION WORKER

LISA CARR – HERTZ RENTAL AGENT

ANDY MANN – BRITISH HANDYMAN

PEG LEGGETT – PIRATE

OWEN HOUSEHOLDER – MORTGAGE BROKER

SKIP CHURCH – ATHEIST

MARK GRAVES – TOMBSTONE DETAILER

BERYL TAPPER – BARTENDER


It’s fun, isn’t it? Add to The List!

Graduation Speech Cliches that Need to be Retired

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As college and high school graduation season rolls through the land, thousands of audiences will hear the same bits of tired wisdom that have been trotted out for decades. Perhaps it is time to give some of these insights a rest.

“Don’t be afraid to fail.” – While I understand and agree with the sentiment, I kind of think it might not be a bad idea to be just a little bit afraid to fail. Not a lot. Just enough to keep from losing your life savings on that digital chinchilla farm idea.

“Remember that you are the future.” – No kidding. Listen, not only do graduates fully understand that they are the future, their entire master plan for happiness and success hinges on them being the future.

“Always appreciate your parents.” – Again, wonderful sentiment. However, do we really believe that some kid is sitting there in a cap and gown, thinking, “You know, I never really cared for Mom and Dad, but now that the CEO of AcmeCorp has set me straight, I’m going to start remembering their birthdays!”?

“Enjoy this time of your life.” – Really? A jobless economic recovery, a mountain of student debt and a mind-numbing presidential campaign season ahead of us – and these are the glory days? Enjoy, kids.

“Follow your dreams.” – This one comes with an implied kicker: “As long as your dream isn’t to spend three years on Mom’s couch while you pursue a career as a professional poker player.”

“Never stop learning.” – This advice would be much better directed to the parents than the graduates. Today’s kids have no intention of stopping their education and skills training. They know they’ll work a series of jobs over their lifetime. It’s their parents who need to be prodded to read a book, take a class or attend a workshop.

So there’s our start. What are some of YOUR least favorite graduation speech cliches? Add to The List!

 

Dream Jobs (That Don’t Exist)

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The Jimbo List recently learned of an actual job called a guacamologist – a chef who prepares custom orders of guacamole for paying customers. It begs the question: What other magical pursuits are out there beyond the fringes of routine employment? Perhaps, some of these…

SPORTS METAPHOR TRANSLATOR

CONDIMENT STEWARD

CAMPFIRE DOCTOR

NICKNAMERIAN

TWEET HERDER

MARSHMALLOW TOASTOLOGIST

SYRUP CADDY

BASEBALL CARD ORGANIZER

HAIRLINE PILOT

WEDDING RECEPTION TOAST CONSULTANT

BEACH TESTER

Somehow, these never seem to come up at job fairs.  But don’t let that stop you – add to The List!